Mixed up.

I'm crying.
I'm hiding.
Back where It all started 4 years ago.
Back on that couch.
Where I said no.
And you said yes.
Back to that house.
Where you did it another.
But I got away.
Back to allt his crap.
Back to all this crying.
I"m so scared.
I'm shaking.
How many others?
Theres not a number.
My best friend?
How could you?


How could I let you get away the first time you almost did it to me?
How could I not speak up..
How could I not stand up and tell people.
How could I let this happen!?

Afriad

Of School. It's weird.
I hate that this stuff.. Drama
Eveything's already happening.
But this time I don't think I can out run it this time.
I'm slowly getting depressed.
Hiding behind a mask.
The only reason I'm posting here is because no one really pays attention to what I post here.
I miss the seniors.
I wish the Sophomores would go away.
I don't want to go to school.
Because of the Drama.
I'm so mad. And I'm sad.
And I don't even know why.
I can't sleep.
I feel like I'm going back in time,
Back to the darkness.
And I'm fighting..I really am..I'm trying not to..
But the more I fight the pull it pulls.



I guess I just feel like I'm Failing at everything lately.

Junior

Whoa. It's really scary to think of that word. I've done a lot of self reflecting lately, Mostly because I've been stuck within my home. Anyways..I'm now officially A Junior. And that well, is scary. Next year I'm going to have a ton on my plate..Maybe not the BIGGEST problems in the world, but it will be new.
1. The new sophomores, trying to keep them as my friends, but yet making sure I'm not stalked =)
2. GSA, Getting people involved, planing things, making sure people stay updated and involved.
3. Drama..I have to recruit kids parents for Drama boosters...And also I'm nervous for whats going to happen, I'll almost garentie Justine will get a lot of the parts I want, she always does, I really Wish I could grow my hair out, but.I can't that's not me...So I have to deal with being casted minor roles because I don't fit most characters in High school plays. Which sucks because getting these minor rolls only makes me feel like a horrid actor, and well who knows.I could be a really bad actress..(STRESSED)
4. Rugby, wayne state couch wants me to work on Norfolk Public about getting a girls Rugby team together..So..There I have to do that
5. Homecoming.(I'll most likely end up in a dress)
6. Prom..(Where the hell am I going to find a date =/)
7. My classes.
8. Not changing to far from myself =/...Thats what I'm horridly afraid of..Because..I love who I am right now..=/ and I don't wanna turn into some one I'm not..
9. Not going down the wrong path, and fucking up my future...I'm so afraid..I'll fuck it up..and loose this feeling of greatness I have in me..

So.Seniors.I Miss You.

The seniors are gone.

I’ve realised that’s like half of my new friends..It makes me quite sad honestly..No offence to any other Seniors…But I think I’ll miss Laurel The most..I know we didn’t know each other for long, But she really helped me figure out what kind of person I wanted to be. I’ve never really had a hero until I met that girl. She is awemazing in everyway and I know..One day she will be the greatest Bed and Breakfest person ever. =).

But don’t get me wrong..I’ll miss the rest of them to..

Fred and his tummy back stage beign a pervert and a jackass..But he always made anyoen laugh.

Autumn and seeing him every day in the halls when he would give me littel looks like -GirrrllllllI see you looking at me- =)…

Tyler”El Tigeree?’ and his monotone humor, the way he would freak out abotu small things, He is actually a really awesome kid.

Dobbe and her randomness, she always made me laugh and was always tlaking abotu somethign off the wall..=) I’ll never forget the tiem she was giving me a ride home and she thought this house was on fire =)))

Kayla (Lambly) And her rudeness..I don’t think I’ll meet anyone who was so Blunt again. But she always made me smile with her “Is that a fat joke.” =)

Kimmi..It really makes me sad that kimmi’s going to be gone..Then I’ll be the Lone Lesbian of Norfolk Sr. High..=/..

Kristina..=) I’ll jsut miss her tellign me she loved me everyday..It was nice you know..Just ot hear someone say..Brooklynn I love you…Not ot mention she was HILIRIOUS!!

Heather(Buckendal-I don’t know how to spell it) I’ll miss her to..She tought me alot abotu GSA..And I hope I can keep it a float like she did. =) I’ll also miss her “Oh brooklynn.” =).

Miranda (Winikiee) GOD! I would not have made it threw the freaking Team Sports with out her..=) She is also one of those who inspired me..And she’ll be puttign the CRACK down on those kdis in JDC =)

Brooke (Richards) Bahh. =) She’s my awemazing Reporter Buddy..Honestly..=) I’ll miss her a ton to..I’m so glad I got her to put the top of her Le Baron down..Even if she did get burnt =)

Those are the seniors close to me..Don’t get me wrong..

I’ll miss a ton of the others to..

But yeah..

I just had to get that out =)

Dallas My Baby Boy =) And Best Friend..But he's a dog? =)

my dog dallas is adoreable.

And I feel like saying somethigns about dallas right now..


Have you ever had a friend that is ALWAYS there for you? That you can cry ona nd talk to no matter what? I've had a few..But hey leave..All but my dog..=) But he doesn't have much of a choice oh well..There have been many times I've jsut balled myself to sleep curled up to Dallas.. He is always here for me.. When My grandpa died he didn't leave my side at all he was always by me always my fur ball of tears..=) And yeah..He is jsut the best thing ever like relaly It's crazy I'm talking about a DOG like this.. But Honestly.. He is like my gauridan I relaly belavie this shit..

Yeah my spellings getting horrid XD..
But yeha
Dallas is my baby boy
=)

It's just a girl and her dog XD

Have you ever

Sat down and thought about your life really hard.
Doubted yourself?

I have. I sit here tonight..Wraped in a small blanket..Shaken..But Not Broken.
Friends come and go. and It sucks..I deserved this one.
But it only makes me fear more.
What if I skrew up on my path of life some more?
What If I skrew it up so bad..
That I never do what I want.
Or to the point that this feeling inside me.
This one that I'm bound to do something great.
Will go away.
Because once again I skewed up.


I don't fit in here..With my age group.
It's still all..Whos dating who..Whos doing what.
I honestly don't care.
I'm too deep.
I'm to much of a thinker.

I feel like...Mentally I'm 30...
Or older.

And Yet I don't have anyone to talk to..Well My Age that is..
Well I do..But Cladio doesnt come out of Skyler that often =)


I'm just afraid of myself I guess.


Isn't that grand?


To be afraid of yourself.
Because at the age of 15..
You realize in life your greatest obstacle is yourself...

To all those

Who say I'm a Bitch.
Your Right.
Who Say I over Anallise things.
Your Right.
Who say I hold on to things to long.
Your Right.
Who say I'm afraid of love.
Your Right.
Who say I'm not gay.
YOUR WRONG.
Who say I don't give a fuck about anyone but me.
YOUR WRONG.
Who say I don't give it my all.
YOUR WRONG.
Who say I'm to short.
I'll Prove you Wrong.
Who say I'm to butch.
I'll be whatever I want to be.
Who say I'll never do anything.
Simply put. Your Wrong.


I'm done.
So heres to you.
All those Haters.
All Those Lovers.
Heres a Big F-U..
=)

Drama

Bullshit.
Lame.
Dumb.
I'm done.
Honestly.
So here is my apologie.
I'm not perfect.
I know.
But Don't blame all your problems on me.
I tried to help.
I tired to be there.
I'm not perfect.
I grew up.
You started to act like a 5 year old in a 16 year olds body.
I'm not perfect.
You say I used you.
You Say I experimented with you.
You don't know the mind of a teenage Girl.
I'm not perfect.
I'm a bitch.
I'm blunt.
I don't take shit.
I deal it out.
And Take the feedback as well as anyone lese would.
But I'm done.
With you Teenage boys.
Your almost as bad as the Teenage Girls.
Drama
Drama
Drama.
I'm not perfect.
But I tired to be the perfect friend to you.
I guess that got fucked.
By My imperfection.

Meh..My STory <3

As I remember back, one of the hardest things I ever went threw happened last year. It was also one of the best things that happened to me. You see last year I came out of the closet to my parents and everyone at my school.

Ever since I was about 12. I've liked girls. At first I liked both guys and girls, but as I grew up I started to only have feelings for girls. I slowly realized this but did know know what to cal l it until last year, Bisexual. I had dated boys and girls, secretly, but I just never had the courage to tell anyone. As the year went on I figured I liked girls more than guys. The hardest part was I had a boyfriend and I didn't know who to tell.

Most of my friends by this point knew I was bisexual, but only my friends did. They didn't even know that I was turning lesbian because I was to afraid to tell them. There had been rumors in school that I was a lesbian or at least bisexual. Earlier in the year I denied them but I was tired of doing that. I knew my first step would have to be telling my parents.

I get along better with my dad, so I knew I would tell him first. I wrote a note telling him that I had been bisexual for about 3 years and I wanted to come out to him and mom about it. I placed the note by m door in hopes he would find it in the morning. My hope came true. I woke up to my dad screaming at me to get up, the notebook in his hand, at first he walked out of the bed room, before returning and peeking his head in.

"By the way, your not gay, and don't tell your mother about this" he muttered before slipping out the door. That was the beginning of the denial for my father. I went back to lying to my mother. feeling so hurt and filled with so much pain. I felt like I had to wear a mask because of what I was.

A while after coming out to my father we all got into a big fight. Were were down stairs huddled around my bed, I was crying so hard my stomach hurt. Even though I can't remember what the fight was about. My mother was yelling at me, and so was my father. I couldn't' take it!

"Dad told me to lie to you about me being gay. Mom I'm GAY" I practically screamed din her face. My mother and me always had a rocky relationship. She didn't get me, I didn't get her. We hardly ever got along, or spoke. This night was different my mother looked at me sternly but in disbelieve she slowly walked out of my bed room door, and closed it behind her, trailing herself up the stairs. My mother wouldn't talk to me for about three weeks afterwards. It's still an iffy subject around the house.

After telling my parents, it was time to tell my boyfriend. I had found the most perfect boyfriend a girl could ask for, he stood up for me, made me laugh, wrote me poems and notes, held my hand, made sure no one messed with me. He was perfect, but the whole time I was dating him I had wished he was a girl. Finally one day, I just gave in. It was after school sprinkling, I remember having to yell over traffic.

"I like girls more than I like guys! I'm lesbian!" I screamed, the look in his eyes nearly killed me, but he spoke softly words that told me he understood, as if he had known ll along. I gave him a final hug and started a crossed the street. Only to have karma kick me in the rear. It ended up down pouring and I ended up walking home in the cry crying my eyes out because I had just hurt one of my best guy friends.

That wasn't even the hardest part. After a while, I knew I had to come out to the school. I just didn't know how to do it. I saw my opportunity by dating someone. It didn't take long for the word to get out. By lunch it was already all over. Kids asking if we were going out.

"Yeah, I guess.." I responded each time. It was all new. The excitement of being able to be open with my sexuality. Though the rush came to a down fall quickly.

The girl who I had asked out was the first to be called a name

"DYKE!" the kids would scream at her. I also got names thrown at me, harsh vulgar immature names, Along with that even some of our friends left us, because they didn't want to live or talk to lesbians Kids were trying to break us up, force us back into the closet. I guess you can say it worked because we broke up, but only after school got out for the fact she went away to Iowa for the whole summer.

Thinking back on it, it was worth all the name all the crying and pain the fright I felt. If I had to do it again I would. I live so much freezer now. I have accepted the term dyke, as just another nickname, and so far in the high school I haven't heard any of the other words that were thrown at me my the immature boys at the junior high. I've been asked a ton of questions, but I honestly don't mind.

It's nice to be able to live as an open homosexual. It's even better to be able to say it freely with out having to be worried about anything. If you would have asked me last year if I felt safe in school being a homosexual. I would have said no. But you ask me the same question this year., the answer would be yes.

Rant about Love and Hate >.<

Love and hate are driven by the something. It could be possible. You put passion into both are some of the strongest words in the universe...They could make someone's life become as bright as ever. but at the same time to another soul they could be crushing...as to say to one person "I Love You" but only secretly another person you know who thought they loved you to them those words would seem like you were telling them "I hate you" both so strong. Both drove by passion...Its quite easy now. Both love and hate sprung from the passion we all have. Some more than others. Some hate more than others...but both. All Love and Hate is driven by passion

That Girl

The Girl That I Even Gave My Heart To

My One

My Only

The Love

The Light

The Dawn

The Sweet Smell Of Roses

Better Than Any Fairy Tail

I'll Tell You What Hun

I'll Build You -OUR- Fairy Tail

There Will Be No happily ever After

Because It Will Never End

You're The Girl With Skin Like The Glove Of Silk

Gliding Over It Lightly With So Much Feeling.

The Butterflies Rising In My Stomach At Each Touch I Have Of You

The One With Lips Like Heaven If There Is One

The Sweetest Thing Of Life

The Thing I Would Die With Out If I had To Go With Out Them Again

Like An Explosion Of Love

The Passion Driving A Stake Threw My Heart

With The Brightest Shine Of Love

Its You

............................................

To Bad..

I

Can't

Find

You.

Lifestyle Of An Only Child

V1

Life style of an only child, The other kids are always whining about their brothers and sisters. But if they could see how lonely it can be.

V2

Always waiting for a phone call from a friend.

Always dealing with relatives.

Friends always being busy, never having anyone to talk to!

V3

Getting everything you want.

Never having to share it.

But when your lonely and

None of your friends are around.

The lifestyle of an only child

Would rather be traded.

C1

For some out dated brothers and sisters.

YEAH! Traded!

For some out dated.

Bothers and Sisters!

WOULD RATHER BE TRADED!

V4

Instead of being lonely.

You'd want to have company.

You wouldn't want to be living the life style of an only child!

C2

You'd trade it!

For bothers and sisters

YEAH! YOU'D TRADE IT!

For some brothers and sisters.

C3

Brothers and sisters.

Brothers and sisters!

Mondern Day Romeo

They Call It love

You have your summer romance.

Your Teenage Lovers.

I want to be that couple.

The one they all turn and look at.

And we smirk and blush holding each others hands -Tight-

I'd be the one you'd run to crying. I wouldn't care.

I'd hold you tight.

Rub your back wait for you to stop. I'd wipe your tears away with my words.

Like a real Poet.

But hey wouldn't be fake words

They'd be real.

As Real as your tears.

I'd take on the world.

For the one I Love.

It's hard.

Finding someone.

It's Hard.

But if you'd look

I'd wish you'd look.

You would see.

I'm standing right here.

I'm the one that stands out side your window blaring -our- song

I'm the one leavening flowers in your locker.

I'm the one that would drive hours just to see your face for a minute

I"m the one who would give you the shirt off my back even if I'd freeze to death.

And I'm just standing Right here.

I'm the Modern day Romeo in disguise

Outside(Poem)

'm Outside of your window with my raido!

And I won't go!

Oh No!

Oh No!

Not till you give me one last look Baby girl.

It's cold out here.
And I won't go home.
Not till you listen to this song I'm playing.
Just for you!
Do your wrost baby girl.
Throw your Shoes
Throw your Rock.
I won't Go

I'm Outside of your window with my raido!

And I won't go!

Oh No!

Oh No!

Not till you give me one last look Baby girl.

Juliet Juliet! Come to your Windo!
I'll Be Your Romeo Romeo!
We Can Get threw it all! Threw It all!
Just Come To your Window!!

Cus I'm Outside of your window with my raido!

And I won't go!

Oh No!

Oh No!

Not till you give me one last look Baby girl.

Thats all I need.
One Last Glimps.
One LAst Look.
Thats all I need.
One Last Look Of My Baby Girl.
And I'll Take My Raido.
And Go....